Are We Banished to the Kingdom of Hagdom?
AKA: The Land of Invisibility
I’ve been itching to put virtual pen to virtual paper ever since I came across ’s post last week; men don't age better than women; they're just allowed to.
Let that sink in.
WOW
Isn’t that hitting the nail on the head?
Read it again …
The quote Jody used were words of wisdom from Carrie Fisher aka known as Princess Leia who definitely wasn’t allowed to age.
I quoted ‘the quote’ TWICE on Friday in separate conversations.
That’s the effect it had on me.
Much like the whole post Jody re-shared.
For context she wrote the article that she’s now brought to her Substack audience when she was 52 and she’s now close to celebrating her 60th birthday.
While my experiences haven’t been the exact same as Jody’s there are parts of it that really resonate with me.
Here’s just some of the bits of Jody’s writing I started to really muse about.
Older women’s dress code
Socially acceptable roles for older women
Loss of ability to put men ‘in a trance’ aka as social invisibility
Beauty is required for biology
All change involves loss
It packs a powerful punch - you must have a read.
All of this has been a whole theme of thinking that I’ve had continually whirling around in my busy brain and mostly since I turned 60 last year.
Turning 60 was the most I’ve ever thought of mid and later life ‘deep’ stuff.
It feels like a sort of cusp of something.
Something I’m still trying to figure out but Jody’s writing helps.
Remember as well, I wrote Am I Just A Hag Now? exactly a year ago today as it turns out.
Am I Midlife, Later Life Or Just A Hag Now?
I’m in a bit of twist. I felt as if I knew where I was in my 50s. I was firmly in midlife. I’ve been 60 for over 6 weeks and so far I’m very happy with my new age. Apart from when people ask me am I ok with it? Then I wonder why they’re asking.
Hell, I even designed a t-shirt 😂
And this is still one of my favorite quotes;
“There can be a perverse pleasure, as well as a sense of rightness and beauty, in insisting on flowering just when the world expects you to become quiet and diminish.”
And then, just like that, responded to Jody’s post and I went down another very eloquently postured rabbit hole - Which Old Woman Do We Want To Be?
The overall thing that really resonated for me with Julia’s thoughts was finally being through with ‘the male gaze’. I mean I still relish the gaze from my husband. After 38 years together he still ‘gazes’ at me like I’m the only woman in the world.
And then he puts his specs on 😂
I am for him and he is for me … after Brad Pitt that is.
And that’s the lovely thing about growing old together.
We can remember when we both had ‘the goods’ and everything was still pert and taut before gravity intervened.
But shedding that whole male gaze thing and no longer wafting our pheromones around … that’s a big old weight lifted.
Both women wrote about responses to ‘you don’t look your age’.
I’ve had this too and while for a long, long time I took it as the compliment we think it’s meant to mean. And then I began to think, WHAT does it mean, exactly?
It reminded of me a campaign I took part in last year on Instagram; #ILookMyAge
Can you spot me? Watch all the way through.
Many of my connections on Instagram took part and it was great to see it all come together.
My Insta friend, Katie Isles nailed it perfectly - what we were all trying to achieve with the message …
“Many have said that I don't look my age but I think in reality they are saying that I don't look/act like their 'idea' of how a nearly 50 year old *should*!”
Ain’t that so? We’re breaking down barriers of what ageing used to look like.
We shall not conform!!
And so dear readers the writing and activism of women like these I’ve mentioned today are part of the many, many reasons I came to Substack {and why I still cling .. a little to Instagram} .. and why I love being here.
It’s like a voyage of discovery and we’re never too old for those in my book.
The profound and meaningful experiences we share and writing them down so we don’t forget them 😂
#NeverTooLate #NeverTooOld
Hitting the Like 💗 button and re-stacking is the most massive help in getting the word out on Substack about Best Before End Date.
ANNNNDDD .. I love conversations so the comments is a good place to start those.
I’m massively appreciative of any support because writing this really is my jam 😊
I loved the fact you both still gaze at each other even if it is without your glasses 🤓
It really struck me when you said how we think having people comment on how good we look for our age is a great thing, but actually we should reinforce that actually, this is what being over 50 looks like, we don’t subscribe to having to wear a twin set and pearls and wearing our hair in a certain way. Women today can have independence which is empowering, we should be proud to be the age we are, it means we are still here and still contributing and boy can we contribute, power to the people of course but let’s have more power to the women