Illness, Resilience & ADHD

I am a literal midlife wonder woman - completely self taught.

I haven’t published here for over 3 weeks. Despite me loving being here. I’ve got stuck again.

I’m disappointed with myself but I know I’ll bounce back.

I’ve had to teach myself how to be resilient and have bounce back ability for 61 years.

Image Credit: Mr Men Fandom

WHY I’M DISAPPOINTED BACK STORY …

I tootled off to Majorca on 10th July and had a fabulous time with my eldest son, came back, got ill again a week later.

I literally came home from a networking event where I’d noticed I’d that annoying tickly cough start again.

When I say ‘again’ it’s because I’d had Covid 8 weeks earlier when we came back from Italy.

Everything cold/flu related aggravates my asthma which I’ve suffered from since I was a child.

I’ve learned to listen to my body.

By last Thursday I knew things were getting worse. I didn’t fancy a stint in hospital. I was sent to our local emergency hub by my GP surgery and came home with a prescription for steroids and antibiotics.

Then we add my ADHD brain into the mix.

Image Credit: adhdinos

I know it impairs my ability to feel good and deal with life’s normal stresses and challenges.

Every day stuff goes out of the window, really.

My mind wanders all over the place. Everything I thought I was doing right becomes wrong. I question the minutiae of everything.

It’s exhausting and especially when all you’re trying to do is just get well.

Before my ADHD diagnosis I used to wonder why I always, always took so long to get back into something especially when I’ve been sick and in recovery mode.

I’m writing this, massively beating myself up thatI haven’t continued straight back on with the next Faffing Friday newsletter since Majorca. It’s pathetic that something that small has such an impact on my mental health. Why would I be bothered. Just get well, Sharon.

Habits and consistency are everything that an ADHD brain like mine fights. But it’s also more complicated than that because some of my habits are unbreakable. Is that a conundrum?

Oh and overthinking EVERYTHING.

The stuff neurotypical brains can easily shake off and be able to get on with their life I can’t do.

When I write it down it seems ridiculous. It is, but it’s my brain and I have to deal with it every day.

Yesterday I decided I was going to have August off all social media apart from Substack so I could concentrate on what I love - writing on here. I hate social media at the moment like it is an actual physical thing. You probably think this is silly. My ADHD brain thinks otherwise.

Add that to the list.

I’m realising I am also probably oversharing here now more than I ever have.

I’ve had to hide so much for so long.

When I feel like this I know I have to try very hard to seek out tiny pockets of joy wherever I can.

We went to the beach last night and had a picnic tea. That helped a little. My family and Barney Boo 🐾

Today it’s writing this.

Building my dopamine levels back up is as much needed as the antibiotics and steroids for my chest infection.

Okaaayyyy ….

I know when I press publish I’ll be like shit why did I put that on the internet?

I’ve lived a lifetime of wondering why I felt odd and out of kilter with everyone.

Why I jeopardise everything I do.

I thought it was about time I did a bit of healing.

Healing for me means writing stuff down.

I’ve only really ever hinted at my ADHD diagnosis.

I have ‘dopamine chaser’ on my Instagram bio.

Sometimes I share the odd funny meme. But it’s not actually funny. Sometimes I can laugh off how I am.

Right now I can’t.

People who know me personally will tell you they think I have a lot of positive energy. I do. When I’m ON I’m FULL ON but when I’m feeling frustrated or setback in some way like I am now with being poorly then my ability to regulate my moods drops dramatically.

The resilience I’ve had to learn and build over my lifetime to be able to continually fix myself feels like I scale mountains. I had to learn to do all of this myself without any help or medication until the last 18 months or so.

I am a powerhouse when it comes to resilience.

If there were Olympic gold medals to be won for this I’d enter myself 🤣

I’ve decided I’m finally going to share my ADHD journey.

I know it will help me and I’m almost sure it will help other midlife women who might be struggling or wondering is this why they find life so challenging?

I’m not ready to broadcast everything across the internet so the ADHD posts will be for paid subscribers only.

I want to be able to write freely about it and anyone who I might be able to help I’ll help.

If you need the insight of an ADHD story like mine then becoming a paid subscriber will be perfect for you.

I’m not going to commit to when they’ll be or often they’ll be as I know how that will not end well 🙈 They will just flow when I’m ready and able.

Ciao for now,